I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
