I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
