i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
