Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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