My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
