I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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