We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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