LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
