Im at strip club and am horny
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
