I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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