It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
