So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
