Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
