I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
