There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
