Already got asked if we're dating
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
whose ass print is on the piano?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
