Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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