I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
