Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
