I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
