She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize