it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
