As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
