I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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