he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
