how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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