haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
