i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
