JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
