someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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