is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
