We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to make out with him forever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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