i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
