First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
