we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
