Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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