it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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