He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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