In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
