Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
