i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
