Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
