Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's intense
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
