Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
