It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
