You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
