The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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