he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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