ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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