Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
