Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I deserve this hangover.
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