My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
