dude i'm inner monologue high
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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