Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
