Plan B is the new Plan A
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
