Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
