Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
