Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
