i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
