WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize