Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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