i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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