the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
