I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
