She's JV to your varsity
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
